| "Now what is "nice" for a conference centre is a brightly coloured carpet with
spirals, swirls and squiggles of blue, red, pink and green; this helps to hide
the inevitable slight damage which occurs to such a carpet from time to time.
Unfortunately, it also helps to hide quite large objects (such as Croquet Balls)
which are placed randomly on the carpet; it is not unusual for an incoming player
to stroll on to the court squinting to try to see where all the balls are, and
tripping over the one that is a yard in front of him." |
Find the ball! (picture: Samir Patel) |
| "Gabor opens up the big wooden box; it's a backgammon set;
everyone knows how to play backgammon; but not as well as Gabor,
who refuses to play except for 1 euro per point. Moral: never play
backgammon with a wily old Hungarian who plays at least once a week
at his Chess club." |
Chris Daniels falls victim (picture: Samir Patel) |
| "After the time-limit is up all the remaining presents are unwrapped
(to more hilarity) and the dinner sort of disintegrates, with some presents
being swapped and others just being given away..." |
Who brought that! |
| "...(some, of course, couldn't even be given away)." |
How do we get shot of these? |
"The Tortoise strikes!...
...Nothing flashy. Nothing, in fact, in the remotest way exciting:
just a few hoops at a time, but very carefully played and, more importantly,
very carefully thought out." |
Alex Jardine in action (picture: Samir Patel) |
| "...at the end of the block play there is no three-way tie after all,
but the Blue block has been won by Chris Daniels..." |
Chris Daniels (picture: Samir Patel) |
Will he do it again?
Alex Jardine and Kevin Garrad watch anxiously as Jim "The Destroyer"
Potter plays. Is any hoop safe? |
Jim, Alex and Kevin (picture: Samir Patel) |
| "Presentation time. Alex gets an elegant glass trophy and a large but
beautifully proportioned wooden plinth." |
Alex Jardine wins the Belgian Indoor Open. |
| "Samir gets an identical glass trophy on a smaller but still reasonably well
proportioned wooden plinth." |
Samir Patel is runner-up. |
| "Nelson gets a similar trophy to Samir; thank goodness they're inscribed." |
Nelson Morrow wins the plate. |
Didn't we tell you?
It's 2 dried-frog pills every 3 hours, NO ALCOHOL, and never ever,
under any circumstances, allow him near anything that even vaguely
resembles a crown! |
I am the ruler of the croquet club... |
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